Funnies

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How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psychopath

 

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

 

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

 

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

 

 

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

 

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

 

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

 

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

 

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"

 

Then she went back to reading her book.

 

 

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

 

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

 

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

 

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

 

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"

 

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

 

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

 

 

[papasmurfbell]

Thank ypou Henny Youngman.

[BengalBilly]

Thank ypou Henny Youngman.

I think the majority of people here have no idea who Henny Youngman was.

[papasmurfbell]

I would think every person here has seen Good Fellas at least once. At least I would hope so.